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Fun-e-Mail of the Day
Updated: 08/29/2005 01:17 PM

T-Shirt
of the Day
Sent by
Everybody
11-12-04

Read about the New Game
in Town --
sent by Nell Foster
11-14-04

Thought you might appreciate a little bipartisan
politics! ( Sent by Elsie Laurens)

Finally, a Bumper Sticker for
BOTH Political Parties!

The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State.

"RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Horror Movie
by Avonel Horne

lick to enlarge --

A Smile for You
from Avonel

Three surgeons - September 04
from Judy Young

Three Texas surgeons were having lunch together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in a terrible accident, I reattached them and 2 years later he won 2 gold medals in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a guy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's rear end and the guy's mouth. Now he's running as the Democrat candidate for President of the United States."
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HMMMMMM!!!!!!
from Jane Richardson

The Lord has a way of revealing those of us who really know him, and those who don't! Think about it! Kerry gave a big speech last week about how his faith is so "important" to him. In this attempt to convince the American people that we should consider him for president, he announced that his favorite Bible verse is John 16:3.

Of course the speech writer meant John 3:16, but nobody in the Kerry camp was familiar enough with scripture to catch the error. And do you know what John 16:3 says? John 16:3 says; "They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me." The Spirit works in strange ways.

Pass it on VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!!

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Banned Substances in France
from Avonel 8-14-04


The French are ready to
strip Lance Armstrong of
his Tour de France title.
After weeks of testing
they found traces of
three banned substances
on his body. Soap
deodorant and bath water.

Additionally, they found two body parts
not approved in France, a backbone and
testicles.

________________________________

Clever Mouse

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HOW TO STAY YOUNG

Remember, there is
no way you can look
as bad as that person on your drivers
license.

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This
includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's Read more. . .

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Best of the Political Season -
AtomFilms: This Land - Equal Time This is a MUST view. The brothers who created these very witty political animations are Gregg and Evan Spiridellis who have recently been on Jay Leno and Fox News.Many thanks to Nancy Burton, a teacher in Dade County, for sending this one.
_________________________

Maxine

John
Scary

from Kay Fulmer

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Cannibals and Politicians

A cannibal was walking through the jungle
and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $25.00
Fried Explorer: $35.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"
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Did You Know the Origin of these Expressions? True Stories

Did you know? In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.
Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs" therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression "Okay, but it'll cost
you an arm and a leg".
Read many more. . .
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From Kay:

New Purple Heart

New Kerry Truck

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Maxines sent by Elsie Laurens

1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."

2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my buns."

3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."

4. Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless." *****

(continued in next column. . .)

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Wisdom from Grandpa ......
from Kay Fulmer - September 04

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good. Read more. . .
_________________________________

More from Kay. . .

All In The Family

While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.

Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating."

"Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, "we've never had a Democrat in the family!"
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Our political system explained in its simplest terms.
from Bettye Chambers

Click to enlarge

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International Very Good Looking Damn Smart Women Day!
from Jane Richardson

There are so many people to send this to......Please share

Today is International Very Good
Looking Looking Damn Smart Women
Day, so please send this message to
someone you think fits this description.

Please do not send it back to me as I have
already received it over fifty thousand and
my mailbox is full!!! -- Tee Hee
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Grandma's Apron
   from Avonel 8-13-04

     The principle use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a holder for removing hot pans from the oven; it was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
      From the chicken-coop the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
   When company came those old aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids; and when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
     Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove. Chips and kindling-wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
     From the garden it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled it carried out the hulls.
     In the fall it was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees. When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
     When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out on the porch and waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields for dinner.
      It will be a long time before anyone invents something that will replace that old-time apron that served so many purposes.

author unknown

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The Biggest Joke of the Primary - July 22, 2004

Condolences to our Golden Girls still living in DeKalb County. You will soon have no representation at all in the U.S. House of Representatives. Why do you think that so many of us moved out of the 4th District?

Click here to view your sympathy card which includes a partial list of Cynthia's campaign contributors. Very scary!

Bettye C.

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Joke of the Day
Ole decided to buy Lena a new car for her birthday. They shopped and shopped.

Finally, Lena found one she liked. But before signing the papers, Lena looked at the car one more time. Suddenly, she bristled and walked away, saying she didn't want the car. She wouldn't even talk about it.

On the way home, Ole said, "Vell, Lena, I tot yew liked dat car. Vat changed yer mind about it?

"Ole, I yust don't vant any car vit XL on it," Lena answered. "It's bad enuff having dat on my undervear."
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FRIENDSHIP PRAYER

May the fleas of a thousand camels
infest the crotch of the person who
screws up your day and may their
arms be too short to scratch...
AMEN
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The division of the human
family from a teacher
friend in South Georgia --
a very interesting read. . .
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Read about the future of Texas

Text sent by Avonel

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5. Maxine on "the Perfect Man" - "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed." ***********

6. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards." *****

7. Maxine on "the Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."

8. Maxine on "Aging" - "Take every birthday with a grain of salt This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita ******